


One Day Maybe

by thisfrailheart



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin Fluff, a little bit of romance for the holidays?, background characters mentioned - Freeform, tiny bit of angst maybe?, why not right, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21937069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisfrailheart/pseuds/thisfrailheart
Summary: A promise of forever, brushed aside for years. One day maybe, they'll say yes.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 32





	One Day Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my drafts forever, so here's a little something for the holidays from me and the boys. :D  
> \-----  
> Dedicated to my chosen family, especially my amazing friend (and fantastic beta) Nicki. (@ForeverShippingJohnlock - check out her stuff!!)

The first time they’d talked about a forever had actually started as a joke. They had only been together - honest to Merlin, all-in, hearts on the line together - for a few weeks and while they were hanging out on one of the common room couches, Sirius had mentioned how much fun it would be to bring Remus to Grimmauld Place and introduce him to his birth mother. He joked how brilliant it would be to see her rage and hopefully drop dead. Remus, sitting there, his head on Sirius’ shoulder, went quiet as he listened to Sirius chuckle. His boyfriend, more observant than he’d ever given him credit for, had noticed the sudden tension and asked him what was going on. 

“Is that how you see me?” Remus asked, his voice barely a whisper. “As a monstrosity to present to your parents? Someone they would hate because I’m so clearly everything they despise?” 

His voice cracked and he tried to slowly inch away from Sirius, heart hurting in an entirely new way. Sirius’ head whipped around, eyes wide. And then, without saying a word, he got up from the couch, walked across the common room and out of the portrait hole, leaving Remus behind. 

_Well, there’s your answer_ , Remus thought. Then he sighed, getting up as well, and climbed the steps to the dorms, trying hard not to tell himself that he should’ve seen this coming.

Just a little while later, as Remus was sitting on his bed and working on his Transfiguration essay, the door to the dorm banged open and Sirius stormed in. He was out of breath as he fell to his knees in front of Remus, looking up at him. “You’re not a monstrosity, Remus,” he said and Remus held his breath. 

“You’re not a freak I want to take home to make them angry. You’re not a thing to be ordered around or presented. You’re… You’re-“ Sirius broke off for a second as if to collect himself, then continued in a soft voice, “You make me happy. You make me very happy, Remus. And that’s why I wanted to take you to Grimmauld. Because I'm everything they hate, the monster. And they wouldn’t be able to stand how happy I am. And okay, so maybe that’s still selfish. But it’s not because you’re bad, Remus. I promise! It’s because you’re good. You’re good! In here, you know?” 

Sirius moved his hand over Remus’ heart. And Remus leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Sirius’ lips, too overwhelmed to say anything. Long moments later, after Remus had pulled his boyfriend up off the floor and onto the bed and they’d finally come up for air, they held each other close. 

“Why did you leave? Earlier, I mean?” Remus asked, even though he was afraid of the answer.

Sirius thought about it for a second. He wasn’t quite sure how to explain it.

“I...was angry.” He sighed. “And hurt. That you’d think so little of me. I didn’t know what to do. I was worried it would turn into a big fight. And I didn’t want to yell at you. So I left. Thought I’d find a wall to punch or something. Found Marlene instead.”

Remus smiled. “And she gave you a piece of her mind?”

“No, actually. She looked at me, rolled her eyes and said ‘You better fix what you broke, Black, I’m not in the mood for another romantic crisis. I just want to get the year over with’ and then she was gone. Leave it to her to make me realize what an asshole I was. I hadn’t even thought about what it must have sounded like to you. And _looked_ like when I just got up and left. I’m sorry.”

Turning his head, Remus kissed Sirius’ jaw. _We’re alright,_ he thought.

“We should definitely also tell them that we’re getting married. Maybe that’ll actually get the bitch to explode,” Remus said and after a few seconds of silence, they were howling with laughter. 

“One day,” Sirius chuckled. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Remus scoffed and rolled his eyes.

~

The second time they’d discussed a forever had been a much more serious affair. At that point, they’d been months into the relationship and it had been going rather well. They had fought, quite viciously at times, which, according to Lily, was no surprise, since both of them had always been very much unable to express their feelings. And yet, they had been able to make it work every single time. 

But after what happened at breakfast that morning, Remus hadn’t been sure it would stay that way. Unfortunately, the morning post had arrived and with it Dorcas’ Daily Prophet, which had informed the little group that someone in the Ministry was trying their hardest to tighten the laws regarding the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. _Yet again_ , Remus thought, but otherwise kept quiet about it for fear of breaking down in front of the whole school, not to mention his friends. 

But the hollow feeling of hopelessness in his chest had spread throughout his body, had made him shiver and fogged up his mind. Luckily for him, his friends didn’t pry or prod and he appreciated it. 

Until that moment in the common room, when they’d all sat in front of the fire together and the flames had done absolutely nothing to warm his cold fingers. Remus excused himself and stumbled up the stairs. He crawled into bed fully dressed, unable to find the energy to even take off his shoes. Not a minute later, the bed had dipped on one side. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sirius asked, but Remus hadn’t been able to utter a word or move his head. Carefully, to not overwhelm Remus, Sirius took his hand and squeezed it. 

“Moony? Do you just want to go to sleep?” And as the tears burned in his eyes, Remus mustered up the strength to squeeze Sirius’ hand right back. 

“That’s alright. But let’s take off your shoes first, yeah?” And then Remus felt Sirius let go, crawl down the bed to untie and slip off his shoes. Afterward, his boyfriend sat back down next to him, taking hold of his hand again. Remus was unable to sleep, so they just sat there. Suddenly, Remus spoke into the silence. 

“It’s not fair,” he said. 

“No. No, it’s not,” Sirius responded without hesitation. 

“They want to take everything from me and it’s not fair. And why now? The tragedy happened already. Why not back then? Why not before-“ He broke off, took a deep breath. “And now I’m not even getting a future? A life? All out of the question. Job, wedding, children, everything. I-“ 

A sob wracked his body and Sirius squeezed his hand once more and then lay down next to him and pulled him close. 

“I’m really sorry, Moony,” Sirius whispered into his ear, holding him tight until Remus calmed down again. 

“I didn’t know you wanted to get married,” Sirius said sometime after Remus’ breathing had evened out. 

“Oh Merlin, I don’t know why I said that.” Remus sighed and hid his face behind his hands.

“No, no, it’s fine, I just…didn’t know.” Sirius shrugged, not entirely sure what else to say.

“I- I’ve never really thought about it, but now that they want to take it away from me… I don’t even know whether I’d want to get married. Or have children. But the idea that I- That I might not be able to- I- It scares me.”

“I’d marry you.” _Again with the zero hesitation_ , Remus had thought, but grinned nonetheless.

“I know you think it’s a joke. It’s not. I’d marry you. And maybe steal one of James and Lily’s future kids for you.” At that point, even Sirius realized that that was a bit much and chuckled. “Alright. So maybe not that. But, you know, definitely the other thing. And it’s not out of pity, Remus Lupin. Do not even go there.”

Remus pushed himself closer into the other’s embrace and sighed. 

“I’d always assumed the infamous Sirius would like to stay young and free forever.”

“I thought so, too. For a long time. Because I saw what marriage did to people. Do you think my progenitors were ever happy? Got married for love? I sure don’t. And now look at Trixie! Basically sold to the Lestranges. And I don’t actually _care_ about her! I just… I never thought that I’d get the chance. I thought I’d grow up, have a wife chosen for me and be miserable for the rest of my life. And now… I’m not. I see mum and dad and how happy they are and I see Lily and James and the fact that they chose each other, you know? Like Andie and Ted. And then I see you and-“ Sirius shrugged. Again. He hadn’t been that open in a long time and he was beginning to feel the usual aftereffects. Embarrassment. Guilt. And the inability to keep talking at that very moment.

Suddenly, he noticed Remus shaking in his arms and pulled back in alarm. 

“Are you…crying?” he asked, at which point Remus burst out laughing.

“N-no, it’s ju-just- _progenitors?_ ” Remus gasped. Sirius smiled, rolled his eyes and tightened his hold on Remus again. That little joke had been a welcome distraction from his own thoughts. “So dra-dra- _dramatic_!”

But then Remus, who’d sobered up faster than ever before, withdrew from the hug. He looked Sirius directly in the eye and grinned at him. Next, he lifted his fingertips to his lips and then placed them on Sirius’ chest, right over his heart.

“You’re a good man, Sirius. You are. And who knows? Maybe one day.”

“Yes,” Sirius said and kissed Remus. “Maybe one day.”

~

The third time a forever had come up, had been at James and Lily’s wedding. With the war going on all around them, it had been a hastily thrown together and yet absolutely perfect affair. They’d been sharing smiles and soft glances all day long and even the most vigilant of marriage nay-sayers had been genuinely happy for them by the time they saw the couple step onto the make-shift dancefloor for their first dance. 

Sirius had been close to tears all day. To see his family so cheerful and overjoyed in these dark times made him very emotional and he’d had to excuse himself many a time to collect his thoughts and stop the tears from spilling. And then, as he stood there, next to the dancefloor, watching James tug his new wife into a gentle embrace and press a tender kiss to her temple, he realized that yes, he was happy for them, downright elated, but there was something else. Something that he’d stashed away and buried deep within himself. A want. A need for this. A yearning to promise someone to love and cherish through whatever life might bring them. And a desire to dance and kiss and hold each other in the same loving and affectionate way James and Lily were and having it acknowledged by their family and friends. 

Sirius shook his head and tried to swallow all of that down again, but his throat had gone dry. And then, suddenly, Remus appeared next to him and delicately entwined their fingers. He tore his gaze away from the dancing newlyweds and looked at Remus. Remus, who had been keeping his distance all day because he didn’t like public displays of affection, especially not in front of their parents and because he hadn’t wanted to upstage the happy couple in any way. 

And now he stood there, next to him, holding his hand and looking into Sirius’ eyes as if he’d sensed his heart breaking just a little. As if he’d listened to his pleas in the silence and wanted to tell him _I hear you_. 

But neither of them said anything. There was no need to speak the words that were echoing so clearly in both their hearts and minds, no need to give the thoughts a voice for they had already been heard and acknowledged. 

So they simply stood there, beside the dancefloor, while Lily and James laughed and they held hands and gazed into each other’s eyes. They stood there and Sirius lifted their joined hands to his heart. They stood there and silently wished, “One day, maybe.”

~

Sirius smiled as he remembered all those moments. _Wow_ , he thought. _We had issues_. Not that they didn’t have problems now because Merlin knew, they did. But in the last few months, they’d both felt things change and shift. Within themselves, with each other, and all around them. 

The first week after graduation had been rough. Everyone, every single one of their friends, had been anxious and restless, even the ones with a prospective job. And then, six days after graduating, the Death Eaters had attacked again and the pieces had fallen into place. 

Somewhere, between going on missions and celebrating James and Lily and worrying about friends and family, somewhere in between all of the madness, Sirius had managed to move out of his parents’ house and into a small flat of his own. _Their_ own. 

At first, Remus had refused. Hadn’t wanted to live off of the gold that Uncle Alphard had left for Sirius. But then, little by little, bit by bit, he’d stayed longer and longer and moved in more of his things. Initially, he’d done it under the pretense that organizing schedules and missions for the Order would be easier if he stayed for a couple of hours longer. A couple of days. A couple of days and nights. Until that one morning when he’d woken up without Sirius - because he’d left on a mission the night before - and realized that he didn’t want to go back to his mother’s old place. Didn’t ever want to wake up alone again. 

Grinning, Sirius flicked his cigarette out of the open window, watching the ashes get carried away by the wind. Funny how life worked out sometimes.

As a key turned in the lock, his heart did a little flip. Remus had been out on Order business since the early morning hours. Sirius was excited that neither of them had to leave again until tomorrow evening and they’d get to go to bed and wake up together. He put out his cigarette and sighed. 

“Is it one day, yet?”

Sirius turned around to see Remus leaning against the doorframe, looking at him with a small smile. 

“What did you just say?” Sirius whispered. 

Remus walked towards him.

“Is it one day yet, Sirius?” Remus repeated once he was standing right in front of him. 

And as Sirius stared at him in disbelief, his hands shaking and his pulse racing, Remus lifted his hand and put it over Sirius' heart, then slid it upwards. He caressed Sirius’ cheek and let his thumb glide over his lips. Bringing their foreheads together, Remus asked again.

“Is it?”

“ _Yes_.”

_**FIN** _

**Author's Note:**

> Happy holidays! ❤️


End file.
